Mom: "Was the restaurant crowded last night?"
K: "Oh, goodness! If there wasn't someone walking in the doors, the phone would be ringing!"

(singing)

"Look at this glider,
Its name is Delilahr..."

Over the summer, I started watching the Office pretty intensely. I roped Kevin into watching, too, so I could quote random segments of it at will to a captive audience. While I was at UCLA, though, he kept watching, and now he's like 25 episodes ahead of me.

K: I just watched the wedding episode and it's beyond beast!
C: That's great.
K: You need to watch it. NOW.
C: Not now, I'm busy.
K: But you have to! Fine, if you won't watch it now, I'll just tell you what happens.
C: No.
K: I WILL.
C: omgwtfbbq YOU BETTER NOT.
K: So, in the Wedding episode -
C: Kevin Titan I will murder you!
K: in the wedding episode, they get married.

C: ...

Big man on campus

Kevin: "Today in Social Studies, we discussed the a-word, s-word, and f-word. Agriculture, specialization, and farming."

"Club Penguin just started giving out badges."
"Yeah?"
"They're really cool!"
"What do the badges do?"
"Well they're used mainly for bragging rights. So you can say to your friend 'Hey loser, you only have 12 badges? Well I have 108!'"
"How many badges do you have?"
"...12."
"What'd you get them for?"
"Mainly by playing games but I also got one because I didn't log on for 100 days in a row."

Dude. That is beyond genius for the folks at Club Penguin. A lot of kids have premium accounts there. Now they're being rewarded for not playing the game. Club Penguin is literally charging money for the privilege of doing NOTHING.

My Future, by Kevin M. Titan*

I am going to middle school next year. I will be in a math class with 6th, 7th, and 8th graders. It will be a challenge but I can handle it. The next year, my stupid sister will leave for college and I will get all of her stuff. This will NOT be a challenge. I will go to college at either MIT or Caltech, depending on which one is farther from my sister. (I know that Caltech has fewer girls so I might go there.) I will become an architect and design a few important landmarks, but mainly mansions. I will buy land in Ft. Lauderdale on the river and I will build a house for my parents there. I will have six children. After that, I am not sure what the future holds.

*written with assistance from the Titan parents

I am driving the whole family to our friend's house. My phone keeps ringing. I know it's Kevin calling because I can hear my voicemail from the phone he's holding in the backseat.

"Kevin, cut it out."
"Why?"
"What do you mean, why? Because I'm not going to pick it up and if I did, I might crash into something."
"That's the point, stupid. You crash and you get in huge trouble and I win, again."
"Actually, you're in the car I'm driving, so if I were in a crash, you would be in it too. And you could get hurt."
"... Oh. I didn't plan that far."