"I am going to be a Democrat when I grow up. I mean, I'm not fat, and I don't like cigars, so I'm not qualified to become a Republican."

"It's a girls' night out! Plus me."

Kevin got an mp3 player for Christmas.

He spent most of today trying to figure out how to download music.

Finally, he ended up with F.U.N, Hedwig's Theme, and Fireflies, which is "not a lot of songs, but they're the only good ones anyway."

Seriously, Fireflies? Kid is inexplicable.

"I finally figured out what I'm going to do for you and Dad's birthday presents! I'll buy you a coupon organizer!"

"Uh, I don't have any coupons to organize."

"I know that, stupid! But you'll take it to Dad and give it to him for his birthday! So really, I'm giving you the gift of Dad's birthday present! I'm so smart!"

"That'd be a fantastic plan, except one thing. Dad's birthday comes before mine."

"...Oh."

When Mum was pregnant with Kevin, Dad took care of me a lot.
When it was time for my baths, he washed my hair with dish detergent.

On the day Kevin was born, it was just me and my grandpa at home. For breakfast, he made me a cake sandwich - a piece of chocolate cake between two pieces of white wheat.

I had this play fishing set. You'd take a pole with a magnet over it, and flick it over the container with magnetic fishes. I brought it with me to the hospital, so me and my little bro could play it together! Dad said Kevin wasn't ready to play yet so I sulked, dropped the play set, and lost five of my magnetic fish.

When Kevin came home, I had to be quiet all the time and it sucked. Once, Mum was rocking Kevin to sleep in the living room and she told me to be extra-quiet so he could sleep. I ran upstairs to the bedroom directly above the living room and started jumping rope, stomping as hard as I could. Kevin woke up and started crying. I ran into my room, locked the door, and hid in my closet. I didn't come out for a long time, not even for dinner.

We used to play a game where we pretended we were bears. We'd crawl under the coffee table and put up pillows all around us. I was Jarly and Kevin was Carly. We were supposed to have lots of adventures and be awesome and things like that. But one day, I decided that the coffee table doubled as a vending machine, and we could touch any place on it and receive whatever food we wanted.

From then on, it stopped being The Adventures of Jarly and Carly and started being Cafeteria Time, I think. Kevs loved ordering pizzas, over and over again.

Kevin used to take karate lessons when he was in kindergarten.
I convinced him that if I put nail polish on all of his fingernails, they'd be "ninja tough!" and "enemy proof!". He was so excited. I used hot pink nail polish.




I got in trouble forever for that but it was way worth it.